[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Friggin' pseudo-wisdom... if you're not
insane, you're just ignorant.
Okay, so these ARE teleporters.
That's helpful... I guess?
Didn't do much for him, huh?
I'm seeing an awful lot of dead researchers
still in their suits with blood everywhere.
What kind of pressure would it
take to break the seals on their...?
Are those bones I just saw
getting chucked out of there?
Yeah! Shit! Those are meat chunks,
too! Somebody got hacked to pieces!
Yeah, that's blood. That's red blood.
The aliens bleed greenish-yellow.
You can scratch
somebody else off the list.
I'm surprised they can exist that
close without slamming into each other.
This still explains nothing about
the gravity. Not a damned thing.
I'm surprised I can breathe
with the gravity this low.
Maybe there are some denser
gases trapping oxygen in somehow?
This air DOES taste funny.
Ah, damn. It's one
of those bodybuilding aliens.
How can they even get that
buff with the gravity this low?
Maybe they wrestle with these tendrils
sticking out that try to whip you.
I'm going to sneak up on them.
Yeah, weren't expecting me, were you?
I wouldn't expect me here.
Here, this should give you
something to think about.
Where did that come from?
God, all that did was soften you up, too.
Let's try this new weapon;
it shoots straight.
He's just standing there.
Oh, that worked pretty well.
So, this gun actually DOES
something. That's great.
I wonder why that guy didn't
fire at me or charge me.
Maybe he can't see that far away.
Or maybe he's still in training
so the aliens on Earth really were the
best of the best, and this is what's left.
Yeah, wow. You guys are
slow on the uptake, huh?
You're actually not trying to
attack me. This is a first.
Okay, wow. You are doing everything
right for someone who wants to live.
I wouldn't want to discourage
the learning process here.
It looks like some of you can be
domesticated after all.
Good! I mean, what's the point of being
king if you don't have any subjects?
I feel like we're making
some real progress.
Eventually, I'll need you to kill
your own kind who would harm me,
but that's still a ways off.
[vortigaunt charges up]
Nope!
This is what happens if you ever
raise your hand against me.
I demand nothing less than
complete loyalty.
Yeah, I can see some of you are
going to be faster learners than others.
More ammo--how many
researchers WERE there?
I think my theory is holding strong.
Ah! Ah-ah! Okay, my foot's
stuck! My foot's stuck!
Yeah, so there's nothing here.
Y'know, I think I understand the invasion
now, because this place is trash.
Earth kicks ass compared to this place.
It's a series of SMALL islands
where you can fall to your death
and the only way to get around
is a one-way teleporter.
[vortigaunt charging up]
Shit.
[vortigaunt bolt]
[shudder]
Well, that's to be expected at first.
Two more for the pile, huh?
How many is this, now?
Confirmed?
And these are just the ones I'm finding.
Oh, rockets! Yeah, this is my
new kingdom now. Classic conquest.
You guys really should have done
your homework on humans
before you decided to play this game.
All right, well, you keep
pumping your...
I have no idea what
the hell you are doing.
Extracting the green venom of the land.
It's not fuel. You guys don't
have vehicles or machines, really.
If it wasn't for that metal armor I saw,
I'd suspect you don't even have industry.
Let's face it, you're borderline savages
and you're lucky to have me here.
I'm not here by choice, that's
for damned sure.
But, now that I AM here, I'm going
to turn this place into something.
I guess I'll have to start with just--
THIS IS GOING TO SLOW DOWN THE PROGRESS!
YEAH, FOLLOW ME THROUGH HERE, BIG GUY!
LET'S SEE YOU TRY AND SQUEEZE IN!
Huh, this must be the lounge.
Yeah, he's not making it through this.
The thing is, I knew this was
going to happen.
but every other place
here has been its own hell.
Why should this be different?
Where is this? I was there.
So, this place grows
the green things now?
Yeah, see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
I killed a handful of sleepy alien guards,
found some potential minions...
That's not how this place works.
Every jump is a new hell.
Although I may luck out on this one,
because I'm hoping his reptilian or...
whatever brain has forgotten
I even exist by now.
It has been a minute or so.
It should be enough time.
Yeah, you WATCH that entrance. If anything
comes here, it'll be through THAT entrance.
Okay, gonna keep running,
just in case he gets bored.
Yeah, I am NOT over here.
Keep watching that entrance.
Whoa, the darkness. I don't
trust the darkness.
Jesus Christ! Are these islands alive?
Do they just keep growing
bigger and bigger things?
Oh, some more red meat chunks.
There goes another researcher.
Okay, time for juggling lessons.
Your first lesson is to just grab the ball.
You need some more? Okay.
Yeah, what's that? What's that?
It's amazing, that's what it is.
It's not there anymore, dumbasses.
So, beyond the smaller
pink whipping things,
we also have big green slamming things.
Oh, I guess I'm out of the satchel charges
but those went to a good cause.
Hey, you know what I haven't
been using? These tripmines.
I think I know someone
who will fall for this.
I thought these
could come in handy.
Now, let's get his attention.
Wow, I gave him too much credit.
That is music to my ears. The sound of
coming to terms with your own stupidity.
So, the question is--DAMMIT!
WHERE WERE YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?!
SEE, THIS IS WHY I
HAVE TO USE THE TRIPMINES
BECAUSE EVERY FUCKING
MOMENT IS LIKE THIS!
I GET, WHAT, THIRTY SECONDS OF
CALM? THEN IT'S SCREAMING, KILLING,
AND THEN IT'S HEAD EXPLOSION TIME!
THERE'S NO TIME TO PLAN ANYTHING!
EVERYTHING'S JUST BLAAHHHBLAHHBLAAAH!
See, I THOUGHT I'd catch a break
after I killed everything,
but now I think the island might
just grow them forever.
And ANOTHER dead researcher!
What a surprise!
Yeah, this guy just fell and died on impact.
There's nothing more to this story.
Well, he wasn't a total waste.
Well, they're all Hell, so I'm guessing
this one is a room full of bees.